honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
