Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
