dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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