I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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