Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
