All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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