I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
