so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
