I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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