Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
