I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
