i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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