Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
