the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize