Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
