Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
