i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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