I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
