Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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