I can text with my tongue
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just gargled with NyQuil
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
