Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
