im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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