I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dignity is for republicans.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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