am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
