He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
