She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize