I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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