Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize