when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
