I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
