McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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