My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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