i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize