Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Still dying that you shit outside
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
