You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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