I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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