Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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