Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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