We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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