I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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