someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
