Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
