I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
