i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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