i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
