I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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