I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
