I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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