I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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