I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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