New low: just hacked my moms facebook
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
