You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
