She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
