hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
