Yo dont text me then not text me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize