i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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