I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
