I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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