he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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