I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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