That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
