Your tits are I can't wait for
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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