Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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