that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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