So drunk its hurt
I want to make a zoo with you.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
