love makes seman taste better
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
