sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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