put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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