Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
