My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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