His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize