i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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