just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
