no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
