Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
