i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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