He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
