hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize