One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
