Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
