If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
