It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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