shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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