I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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