I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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