Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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