i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize