just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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