worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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