'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
